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You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. - Well then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else." - Herman Hesse
Me
sitting at my desk...jogging pants and a white wife-beater...hair piled up on top of my head...and typing furiously Myself
barefoot...music coming up from the floorboards...bent over a table doing body work on a close friend...loose clothes and stringy hair hanging down on either side of my face...pulled in by the exchange of energy I black combat boots, short skirt...laughing hysterically with my best friend..eating indulgent food drooling over the waiter....feeling life with every inch of my being Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't
matter and those who matter don't mind.
-- Dr. Seuss
If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of
to make your life more interesting: hear: the vidrines see: Melvin Goes to Dinner touch: yourself (ha!) taste: lip gloss smell: the bubbles at the top of the coke Graphics by: Deanna
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Friday, February 10, 2006
something's wrong here
I hate being the only one awake when I really need to talk to someone. This blog was born out of that problem. I don't know why I have all of this sudden anger, but now that I look back on it, it's been building for a while. Damnit. I see myself. I know what I'm doing and it's pointless to try to stop. I'm a nice girl. I let people take me for granted. I let things get to me. Maybe it's healthy. Maybe it's self-preservation. Maybe it's cowardess. I can't talk about what's really bothering me and so I wait for it to build up and then I just kind of implode and walk away. People who know me have seen this happen. I let people go and I don't look back. And I can feel the beginnings of that happening now. That scares me. I let people push and push and push and then all of sudden I turn on them and there is this look of blankness in my eyes. Then they get confused. Where did I go? What did they do wrong? Is it too much to ask to just treat me with dignity while you still have the chance? Maybe I'm just not giving mankind enough of a chance. Maybe I'm giving it too much of one. I don't know who I'm even talking to here. Myself, really, since I'm the only one up at 4:45 in the morning reading this. Shit. I thought maybe if I got up and wrote all of this out, I could get some sleep. Something's wrong here.
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