I don't know why I have all of this sudden anger, but now that I look back on it, it's been building for a while.
Damnit.
I see myself. I know what I'm doing and it's pointless to try to stop. I'm a nice girl. I let people take me for granted. I let things get to me.
Maybe it's healthy. Maybe it's self-preservation. Maybe it's cowardess. I can't talk about what's really bothering me and so I wait for it to build up and then I just kind of implode and walk away.
People who know me have seen this happen. I let people go and I don't look back. And I can feel the beginnings of that happening now.
That scares me.
I let people push and push and push and then all of sudden I turn on them and there is this look of blankness in my eyes. Then they get confused. Where did I go? What did they do wrong?
Is it too much to ask to just treat me with dignity while you still have the chance?
Maybe I'm just not giving mankind enough of a chance. Maybe I'm giving it too much of one.
I don't know who I'm even talking to here. Myself, really, since I'm the only one up at 4:45 in the morning reading this.
Shit. I thought maybe if I got up and wrote all of this out, I could get some sleep.
Something's wrong here.